Alright..

So I think it's safe to say I ate enough today. I binged like the little fast ass I am. Let's see, I had a half of a pecan pie, piece of cheesecake, and sammich.

I broke up with the guy I was dating, too. It was for the best, for me. I don't really care if he's hurt or not, now. Obviously, my feelings didn't matter at all. Nor, did he want me. Kind of confusing to say you love someone then treat them like they're fucking shit. Thanks, I needed my self esteem lowered even more! Makes me feel awesome to know random bitches online are more interesting than me. Thanks, again. I hope you step on a lego. I hope you don't wonder why all of your relationships fail, because I can tell you why. It's you. It's always been you. It's your fault. I am angry and hurt, so fucking hurt. You knew I was already in a bad place and trying to heal, and you pull this shit. You dragged me through the mud and played mind games with me. I feel used and like I wasn't even good enough for sex. Thanks for the rejection btw, it did wonders for my self confidence. I am so angry. Why the fuck do people treat me like this? No, I don't care if you read this and you probably won't. You ignored my first cry for help, why would you pay attention this? Why would you pay me any attention now? I'm glad I had people there for me, and I didn't have to rely on you. You're not there for anyone. Except maybe one person. You're selfish and self centered. You don't give a shit about how much you hurt people. So take your sorry and shove it up your ass. If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it. You don't give a shit about me or my feelings. You never did. I hope you step on a lego. Or a plug with a grounder, those hurt. Karma is a bitch. Maybe one day you'll grow up and learn what relationships are about. You also shouldn't call people childish, either. At least I'm willing to have discussions, your way to deal with things is to ignore it or the person. Yeah, that's real mature. Grow some balls. Say how you feel and tell people what you want. Hiding it and not telling people is what hurts them. Learn from this. You can't just ignore people and expect them to know wtf is going on. Treat people better. That's why you were so lonely.

"Maybe I was too pale
Maybe I was too fat
Maybe you had better
Better luck in the sack
No formal education
And I swore way too much
But I swear
You didn't fucking care
'Cause we were in love

So as I write this letter
And shed my last tear
It's all for the better
That we end this here
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say
That you loved me"

I had someone stay up with me all night last night and we just talked. It was nice. This other person talked me about all night tonight, they're awesome. So I will survive and find someone who wants me. 
 
Other than that, I have been pretty okay today. I already had someone try to seriously hit on me and caught them lying in one day. Dx FML. I'm going to try and take it slow with the next person, so I don't get kicked in the face again.
I'm pretty stoked about seeing my old therapist again. I'm going to start putting my life together. I owe it to myself. Especially after the bullshit I was just put through. After writing all of that I'm not mad,anymore. I just feel sorry for him. That fear of being close to people is what keeps him alone and it does keep him safe. But it'll be a lonely life.

I'm a naturally in love with love, lol. I like making new friends. I like helping people. When I'm in a relationship I give it my all. It's not just about me, both people should be happy. I want someone who is my bestfriend and my significant other. I want someone who will listen to me and not degrade me. I want someone who is okay with me having friends and going out. Someone understands I am close to my family. I want someone who wants me and will make a place in their life for me. I don't want to be ignored and pushed aside anymore. I deserve better than that. I want someone who accepts me as I am. Who doesn't think I'm a disappointment. when I have set backs and do cut myself or restrict. I want someone who understands I will have bad days but I am trying my hardest.

I don't know. Today wasn't a good day. I feel beaten. Tomorrow will be better.