I'm really disappointed with my weight and how I look. I'm just disappointed with myself. I'm lonely and depressed,but I don't want to bothered. I'd rather wallow by myself. I just want some peace,well my mind to shut the fuck up. Sometimes I wish I was never born,I'm pretty useless. I lie to people about how I'm doing. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel like I miss someone or something. I'm just not sure what. I don't even feel like writing today. I just feel like crying,I hate this. I want to cut,it'll make it go away. I hate being stuck in the past,I hate being in the present,and I don't want to see the future. I just feel depressed today,that bone crushing depression. Where you just want to cry all day,. I feel like I'm falling apart ever so slowly..
I've gained 5 pounds,I was at 105llbs for a while. Last two weeks I'm at 110,I hate myself. I hate my body,I hate the way it's shaped. I feel ugly,I feel wrong.
Today is not my day...I feel like showing my scars
The first two pictures of my thighs is my left thigh,the last one is my right one. All of those scars are 6+years old..
3 comments:
Hey, came across your blog rather randomly and my heart completely went out to you while reading this first entry. Sweetheart, you're absolutely not alone in your pondering and troubles - I too am in one of those rather long 'moments' where everything I do feels useless, where life itself seems so wrong that you feel you must've missed a step. The regrets and longings will go away one day, but for now all we can do is console ourselves in the idea that we aren't alone on the dark winding path towards satisfaction. ;) We will get there - glancing every once in a while at each other's distant, anonymous silhouettes to reinvigorate ourselves and pick up the pace. I wish you all the best, and send you buckets of anonymous love. xxx :) Keep your chin up! You are beautiful.
Thank you. =] Your comment meant a lot. =3 I wish you all the best as well. Haha and some anonymous love!
Hello, I read your blog about the bad day and I know exactly how you feel. I was at 78 once.. and I loved it, the feeling of losing weight, and then my heart messed everything up and I was in the hospital. I now weigh between 109-111. I hate my body. I cry when I look too long. Sometimes I think about cuttingg again. I used to do that a lot, but its been a year since then. I've gotten the habit of overeating and purging lately. I'm scared of bulimia. it isn't like anorexia. I don't know where to turn. It hurts so much. I restrict and it sticks for weeks until I have to go to my moms where I tend to ruin it all. I don't know why it happens. I used to have such control. I don't know what to do anymore.
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